Friday, October 8, 2010


Have you ever googled your own name?

I did. 

Well... first I googled my  AOL screen name. Elredcrow.

Got amazing results.

My computer popped up with this question:  "Did You Mean Oldcow?"

No. I am not kidding. 

Stop laughing. It's not that funny.

Not to me anyway.


After that depressing and demeaning result, I was almost afraid to type in my real name. Finally I got up the courage and entered my name in the search engine.

Kathy Ellis.

Incredibly enough, pages and pages of information with the name Kathy Ellis, and variations thereof, appeared on my screen. 

Searching each page to see if any of these doppelgangers actually referenced little old me, I quickly became discouraged and gave up after about the 35th screen.

It seems there are several of me out there. Some are doctors. Some are executive directors. One is an award winning swimmer. One is an oceanographer.

Another of my many identities entered a story in a local newspaper in Pflugerville USA about soldiers. No I didn't read it. She obviously doesn't read my stories. She can't. They can not be found under my name or otherwise. 

Hundreds of Kathy Ellis references abound on the world wide web. If fine tooth combs are still available at the local five and dime, you might buy one if you are interested enough to look me up. Who knows? Maybe I will show up on the kazillionth screen if you can hold out that long.

Apparently I am non-existent, nada, invisible, a figment of my own imagination. A chimera, if you please.

Being non-existent gives me great freedom, I suppose. Invisibility has it's perks. 

I just can't think of one right now.

If I had an inflated sense of myself, it is gone. I guess that happens when you realize you are no where to be found.

Coming to terms with my lack of uniqueness has not been easy. In my effort to be significant in the world, one might say I have been 'put in my place.' 

If you find that place, will you please tell someone? I am waiting to be found.

Depression could set in and take up residence in my spirit if I did not believe that my significance is found in the Lord Jesus. He whispers to my heart of how much He loves me. He sings songs of joy over me in the night and wakes me with memories of them in my mind. He fills my life with vision and purpose.

I googled the web.

Bet if I could google the Lamb's Book of Life, my name would easily be found. My Savior knows right where to look in that book for me. He knows exactly where I am all the time, and He is always thinking about me.

If I go to the ends of the world, He will find me.

I am unique after all!

But I am not alone. Jesus offers His salvation and love to every one. Only He will give you the meaning you seek in your life.

"Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you."    Psalm 9: 10

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